If aliens arrived tomorrow, what’s the first thing you’d ask them?
Seriously. We’ve been on this beautiful planet for thousands of years and NOW you turn up with your amazing technology.
Did we do something to upset you? It was that Voyager 1 probe with the 70’s music wasn’t it? Go on, you can tell me, I won’t tell anyone else.
Is that spacecraft the right shape? We’ve been expecting oversized saucer shape thingies* with room for only 2 or 3 beings. How many are there? Oh, just the 1. With 3,000 crew you say.
I’ll get the kettle on. Milk n sugar? By the way, that pointy thing on the top? Is that your radio antenna?
It’s what? Dark what? Oh, energy. And what do you do with that exactly? I’d love to see a demonstration.
Why don’t you point it at that big white building in Washington. What did you say? You’re on Twitter as well? Really?
Yes, he usually has a bad hair day. Yes, very small hands for his size. He may have been slimmer in his 20’s, I don’t know.
Yes, he shouts a lot. We’re all used to it. Nacho’s are actually Mexican corn bread type stuff but that’s not what it means about him.
There’s American humour and English humour. Yes, they think Nacho is funny in America.
Did you want biscuits with your tea? And will you have to take off to use that dark matter thingy? Normally it’s 6 hours or more across that ocean, we call it the Atlantic.
How fast?! 1.5 hours! Wow. Well, let me know how it goes won’t you. I’m not on Twitter but you could send a text. Via the TV? Yes, OK.
Here’s how we say goodbye in different languages:
Cheerio – UK English; Tot ziens – Dutch; Au revoir – French; Auf wiedhersein – German; Ari vederchi – Italian; Sayonara – Japanese; Adio – Greek; See you Jimmy! – Scottish.
See you then! Try not to make a mess or the Green brigade will start whinging.
Happy humpday!
*”thingies” plural of ‘thingy’ UK English, adjective used to describe the usually indescribable. As used by newly married couples. Just saying.
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